How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
There was a kidnapping at school… Don?t worry, he woke up.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
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