Hell jokes

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

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A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

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When a 68 year old teacher says: I am going to tackle an intruder if i have to! Me: Oh hell nah

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Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won’t ever see my dog again! Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

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3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

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aw hell naw dey turned spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.

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What is Steven hawkins favorite song? Highway To hell The teacher asked a young boy in primary school “Can you tell me the alphabet?” To which the boy replies “No” The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet. At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks “Can you tell me the alphabet?” “Shut up” she replied The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks “Can you teach me the alphabet?” But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting “Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!” The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet. But his brother is singing “I’m Michael Jackson, I’m Michael Jackson!” The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet. But his sister is singing “In my big red car, in my big red car!” The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet. The boy replies “Shut up.” “Alright, I’m sending you to the principal’s office right now.” The boy replies “Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!” In the office, the principal says “who do you think you are?” The boy replies “I’m Michael Jackson, I’m Michael Jackson!” The principal now says “how do you think you’ll get away with this? ” The boy them replies “In my big red car, in my big red car!”

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So… here’s da scoop, alright… licks KFC off lips so, I was caught, having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean? I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: “Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?” Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me? But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13! Alas, I’m writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I’ll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

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